You had a Baby, not a Lobotomy!

I’ve created a companion website using one of my favorite phrases I utter…

Check it out at !!

You had a Baby, not a Lobotomy

I say this fairly often. Officially “trademarking” the phrase for my future baby book! or something…

Before Baby was here, M and I talked a little about our expectations for our lives after Baby arrived. We both agreed we planned to continue being socially active. Why would we suddenly turn into hermits?

We had a baby, not a lobotomy. Who we are, and what we enjoy, is still fundamentally the same. We like seeing our friends. We like trying new foods and going out for a drink.

So…we still do it. We bring the little one along with us. It was super easy when she was still teeny-tiny. She’d sleep through anything in her car seat. Now that she’s older and more active, it’s definitely more work to keep her happy and safe. But it’s worth it.

Our friends are one of our happy-makers. For me, seeing them, catching up on the happenings, and laughing with our friends recharges my batteries. As a stay-at-home Mom, I also enjoy the experience of speaking real words and sentences to someone who will not respond with “pbbbblth” or “bahmnmamnanana”.

It’s the little things like coherence.

M and I also went to two craft breweries on Saturday. We would have also gone to a winery, but 95 was completely shut down for hours, so we postponed. We went to Rusty Beaver, in Ladysmith, and Center of the Universe near Ashland. M is the beer fan, so he did his tastings while munchkin ate puffs, waved at strangers, and clapped to herself. At COTU, we met up with an old friend I have not seen in 20 years. Munchkin proudly grabbed Friend’s beer glass and dumped it all over Friend. She’s generous and giving in that way….

The trick to going out with babies is to know your child and your own limits. If Lil Miss starts acting up and I suspect a meltdown, I take her for a walk around the room or to a quieter spot and tell M to get the check. We try to leave before she loses it. She usually only loses it if she wants to nurse but is too distracted, or has been fighting naps all day.

M and I also know what we’re comfortable with her doing in public. Chewing on a straw or occasionally squawking? Sure. Screaming, throwing food? No.

We also make sure we communicate ahead of the outing. Who’s driving? How are we going to juggle the meal? I remind him sometimes – if you get X, you need to wash your hands as soon as you’re done eating so you can hold her while I eat. If you get Y, we need to alternate back and forth so we can both eat while the food’s hot.

I’m always befuddled by people who say “Oh, forget having a social life! You’ll never go out again! 18 years before you can have fun!” Really? Why is anyone locking themselves up and becoming a hermit? To each his own, of course. There is no benefit in judging others, but I freely admit I do not understand the logic.

Anyhoo….If you enjoy being social and going out before baby, you can continue to do so afterwards. You just make adjustments. More Happy Hour, less (or no) late nights. More casual locations, less formal restaurants. More 1-2 hour outings, less 4 hour events. Less fabulous sparkly clutches, more big roomy bags capable of holding toys, puffs, and diapers!

It’s a baby, not a lobotomy. You can be Mom and still be You.

Poke me in the eye again

Baby is here!

She arrived May 21 and changed our lives in a wonderful way.

All the smarmy stuff is true – it’s a new love, poop becomes an acceptable conversation topic, you sleep less… She is an absolute treasure and we are mesmerized and in love.

She makes the most wonderful noises, little whoops and chirps like a tiny bird. We try to respond back, or repeat whatever we had done that triggered the squeak. Sometimes when she first eats in the morning, she latches on and then makes a series of whoops and coos like she’s never enjoyed a meal before. It’s heart-melting!

She’s a little over 2 weeks now, and is spending a little more time awake. Today she poked me in the eye. It was wonderful! She had been staring at my face, and reached towards me, and then whomped my eye instead. I’ve never been more thrilled at a minor assault!

Am I just a weirdo?

I am 15 weeks, 3 days pregnant….and sometimes I wonder if I am a weird pregnant lady.

I am thrilled, and so happy, to be pregnant. M is also really happy as well.

But….we don’t fixate on it. We’re not out browsing stores, or even online shopping, for nursery items and clothes. Aside from the occasional pinterest or blog, I really don’t look at much baby stuff online. We don’t talk about it very much either – I periodically check in on whether he thinks I have a bump, and occasionally something comes up that we will ask each other’s opinions: “I think Elf on a Shelf is absurd.” “Yeah, me too.”

I see other people posting things online, or commenting on blogs or pins, or read What to Expect, and it seems the “norm” is for women to go full-scale obsessed with their pregnancies. Maybe trying for so long makes us more cautious. Maybe we just take this as a natural, simple, but joyous, experience. I think we just are not interested in hyping this up to the point that we stress out, or start worrying, or create unrealistic expectations.

The few things I have researched, though, I have found myself shockingly “crunchy”. I’d like to cloth diaper. I’d like to breastfeed. I’d like to (eventually) make our own baby food. I also want to be a Stay at Home mom, at least until s/he is ready for school. I hope, and believe, M and I will be hands-on, involved parents who raise children who are thinkers, dreamers, readers, and doers.

But really, I hope we are all healthy and happy.