Do these shoes hide my wrinkles?

Time is a much discussed, frequently maligned, nostalgically reminisced, oft anthropomorphized being…

My child is approaching her first birthday.

I have been out of college for almost 8 years.

I have been out of high school for almost 12 years.

The last family pet that knew me in my ‘teens was recently put down.

Does this shirt show my grey hairs?

Do these shoes hide my wrinkles?

Little things…

There’s so many little things people don’t talk about, for the subject of parenting.

One is breastfeeding.

Correction: women talk about breastfeeding a lot. But they don’t talk about all of it.

For example, the fact that if you breastfeed, all of your wardrobe decisions will be based on: “How easy is it to get my boobs out of this shirt/dress?”

You need easy access, whether it’s to feed the kid at home, to pump, to feed in public, to adjust your leak shields…

Then you also, depending on your options, have to dress to accomodate the nursing bras. I went for low-cost, comfortable, but wider bras. Typically, the shoulder straps or the T-back are showing in most of my shirts. I’ve given up trying to conceal it. I will attempt to ‘match’ the bra to my shirt though…sometimes.

I am attending a wedding soon. My mom and I went dress shopping. I had two concerns – hiding the tummy pooch I haven’t banished yet, and whether I’d be able to whip them out and pump or feed.

That’s another consideration. The wedding is at 4:45, and I believe the shuttle leaves at 4:00. Then there’s a reception afterwards. So we have planned to take the first shuttle from the reception back to the hotel, and then hopefully hop the shuttle back to the reception – this way we can feed the little squeaker, and then I can enjoy some libations once I’m back at the reception. Will it work? Hopefully! But there’s a strong possibility I may just wind up at the hotel for a few hours and then give up on going back to the party.

On top of that, there’s that natural ‘worry’ that I have about leaving my squishy with someone else for such a long period of time. 3 hours? Sure. 8 hours? Yikes! That is someone else (even if it is family) who is feeding my child (will she take the bottle easily, or fight?), soothing her (will she bounce her enough? too much?), changing her diaper, and calming her (she needs her poo yoga if she’s gassy! She likes to be sung Star-spangled Banner! she likes side-to-side more than up-and-down!).

Part of being a mom is relinquishing control. You are not in charge yet: she is. She demands food, sleep, comfort. You, Mommy, are there for her every need. I guess I need to work on relinquishing control to other women…


Being a mom is amazing.

There’s something so empowering and serene about knowing that, when this tiny human is crying, you and only you can comfort her. She needs you, she wants you, and you are her alpha and omega. 

Squeaky is 5 weeks old now. She responds to my voice – she’ll suddenly get quite and look expectant when she hears me. She’s going through a couple of days where she insists on being held, and will cry and squawk angrily if she is put down in her crib or rockers. She spends more time alert during the day, looking around at different things or even nothing.

Parenthood is also hard – the times when she cries or screams for longer periods of time and cannot be comforted or quieted. When you’re sleep -deprived and feel like a failure that you cannot soothe her or solve her apparently all-consuming problems.

But, we push onwards and watch her get chubbier and grow and learn. And take the small rewards when and where we get them.